A bunch of bullshit

therealtaryn: iwdrm: “He’s the exact opposite of everything I...

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:26:42 -0400

iwdrm:

“He’s the exact opposite of everything I really hate.”

Ghost World (2001)

I still have my Enid days, even though they’re rarer.

My MacBook battery is dead and my right leg is mysteriously fucked up and my birth control is making me over dramatic and emotional.

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 01:51:04 -0400

I have nothing good left in my life.This is how super villains are born.

Bullshit Story #11

Sun, 01 Aug 2010 16:28:22 -0400

The pieces you left inside of me have shattered and splintered into undetectable fragments, lurking in my blood stream. Every scream echoes your own. I don’t want you inside of me like this. I opened up my wrist and tried to cut out every speck of you. This is not my blood on my floor. This is yours. Take it back, It is poison and it is killing me. I close my eyes knowing that you will not be here when I wake up. I will be myself again. Pure, unadulterated Identity, free from the scars of your abuse. I will breathe again. Slow, labored, breaths, but they will be my own, sure as your venom leaks from my veins. I will be myself when I wake up, and you will be gone. I will be myself, if such a thing ever existed.

Bullshit Story #10

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 01:40:00 -0400

After you left me here, every breathe i drew pulled the walls in closer. I dared to live without you, and the room fought against me, suffocating me with each gasp. With every inhale the four walls encroached upon me, and in an effort of concession, i sat, legs pulled to my chest so as to take up as little room as possible, and i let the walls close in. With my suicidal breathe i whispered that i loved you.

Bullshit Story #9

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:19:16 -0400

the sun was rising behind us, but we were certain that we could outrun it. hand in hand, we dodged tree branches and rocks, trying to stay in the cover of darkness for just a moment longer. Enough time for one last kiss before the day began without us. This was our last night, the last time we would be able to search for each others gaze under the starless suburban sky. You squeezed my hand, and i turned to face you, but the sun was creeping in, painting your silhouette in an unearthly gold. I pulled you under the tallest tree and kissed you. After what seemed like only seconds, i felt your lips disappear from mine, and when i opened my eyes, you were gone. I sank down into the soil, wet with morning dew, and watched the sun sculpt the skyline out of clouds and darkness. one by one, the buildings disappeared. and when every trace of you was gone, the sun crawled into the center of the sky, illuminating everything but memories.

Bullshit Intro #6

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 04:43:51 -0400

Were we ever that young? Between blurry beer soaked memories did we ever find time to paint each others nails and talk about boys? If we clear the smoke that blinds our past, was there ever a game of jump rope or a bike ride to the baseball field? Was it before or after the vodka that we lost our innocence?

Bullshit Lyrics #6

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 06:44:00 -0400

i can only hear this to the tune of Amsterdam by the Dresden Dolls.

with surgery like precision
she pulls out her heart
and makes her first incision
knowing it isn’t smart

blood covered gloves
preform the ungodly act
removing offending love
leaving only veins intact

and with a hint of a smile
she sews herself shut
chokes back the bile
bubbling in her gut

soon the villagers came
pitchforks in hand
and torches aflame
they couldn’t understand

how a monster such as this
could have come from such a girl
and with a devilish hiss
the townsmen confer

this unholy abomination
we must surely kill
to be bereft of all affection
makes one a tool of the devil

but from upstairs she observes
more bored than apathetic
hard to unnerve
and unapologetic

she grips the tangled mass
which once beat so loud
throws it through window glass
and into the crowd

they gasp and they cry
while she smiles wide
they disappear in the night
because do what they might
the proof bled on the floor
no one could hurt her anymore

Bullshit Lyrics #5

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:56:00 -0400

this is the most upbeat and fun song i’ve written. so much fun to sing.

pretty words can’t mend a broken heart
the veins get tangled and twisted
i told you he’d leave, but you had insisted
that this boy was different

time may heal wounds
but the tissue still scars
shattered and bleeding
this once was your heart

and now i’m

holding your hand again
consoling this friend again
catching her tears again
mixing a drink again

you’re always in love, dear
always depressed, dear
always heart broke, dear
always fucked up, dear

and next month you’ll show up
with tears in your eyes
tell me that you were dumped
and i’ll feign surprise

you met at a bar
and his name was Ryan
you kissed in his car
but now you’re here cryin

then there was aaron
you were so in sync
then you caught him with Karen
now he’s why you drink

and now i’m

holding your hand again
consoling this friend again
catching her tears again
mixing a drink again

you’re always in love, dear
always depressed, dear
always heart broke, dear
always fucked up, dear

you’ve heard every line
it’s not you it’s me
i just need some time
to regain my sanity

i really do love you
so let’s just be friends
cuz i’m not in love with you
so this needs to end

Bullshit Conversation #2

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:38:48 -0400

Boy: I knew from the moment i saw you. You were beautiful. Your mascara tumbled past blush and lipstick, landing in a puddle on your chest, then you looked at me and cried harder. I didn't know who you were, but i fell in love. It's been three years since then. Three years of waiting in hospital emergency rooms, wondering if this would be it. if this would be the time when you took just one too many of whatever you were currently self medicating with. Three years of finding you passed out on the kitchen or living room floor. three years of holding your hair back when the withdrawals were too much, and three years of finding you with another god damned needle. I've loved you through every second of these three years.

Girl: Why?

Boy: Because I feel like i deserve it. I'm not a good person, i never was. And maybe this is God's way of making me pay for every life i ruined.

Girl: He's punishing you by making you take care of me?

Boy: no. he's punishing me by making me love you.

Bullshit Story #8

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:08:26 -0400

The grass reached out to us from the dirt, trying to stop us for one second, maybe to warn us. Maybe if we had just slowed down, the crunching grass and laughter would have been replaced with a message from the howling wind: we should not have been there together. But when you pulled me down into the rain soaked ground and kissed me, any possible alerts would have been ignored. You were kissing me, and everything sounded like music.

Bullshit Intro #5

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 04:24:07 -0400

i was never good at the little things, like brushing my hair and tying my shoes. breathing has always been the hardest. every constricted breath catapults me into another few moments of life, however reluctant i am. my mind follows its own selfish agenda by forcing its vehicle to continue on in its existence, while my input disappeared years ago. my lungs breathe, my legs walk, but i keep as far away as possible, living unconfronted in what was once a heart, I’m sure.

Bullshit Collection #1

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:10:00 -0400

collection of lines i’ve never done anything with.

“i love the days like this, where the glaze is renoved fron your eyes and you’re who i remember.”

“They paint the sky with their numbers”

“My body I give to the suburbs”

“Eyes full of tears, they thank me.”

“How could I have known where he grapevine withered and died”

“broken sidewalks and daisy rings”

“look beneath the floorboards for the knowledge i can give”

“spike the punch with intuition”

"a year without her. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds...."

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 02:55:03 -0400

“a year without her. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds. i counted every one of them myself.”

- Bullshit Quote #6

"I scream at night to make things right."

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:30:18 -0400

““I scream at night to make things right.””

- Bullshit Quote #5

Bullshit Lyrics #4

Mon, 18 May 2009 03:51:00 -0400

she is walking on broken sidewalks past busted windows
to lying lovers and carrion crows
the cancer grows, the cancer grows

she is walking on mindless bodies past memorial graves
to famous funerals and darwin days
the needle saves, the needle saves

Everything is better behind closed minds
happy endings in her head
Roses smell sweeter when you’re blind
in dreams they’re a brighter red

she is running on flooded streets past flaming cars
to drunken dads and sinking stars
the violence mars, the violence mars

Everything is better behind closed minds
happy endings in her head
Roses smell sweeter when you’re blind
in dreams they’re a brighter red

in her head she is sipping vodka
apocalypse, nirvana
at home, on the porch, in georgia
apocalypse, nirvana

apocalypse, nirvana
apocalypse, nirvana
apocalypse, nirvana

Everything is better behind closed minds
happy endings in her head
Roses smell sweeter when you’re blind
in dreams they’re a brighter red.

Bullshit Intro #4

Mon, 11 May 2009 00:41:00 -0400

everything felt wrong. It was too light for one a.m., and the grey light skewed everything it touched into a ghoulish caricature of itself. The streets were vacant, and all nocturnal creatures had quelled their stirring, leaving no proof of their existence. There were no signs of life, but she heard the cacophony in her head. Every second of the last four months played simultaneously in her mind, moments flickering and chaotically crashing into each other, overwhelming every sense in the silence. She dug her nails into her wrists, hoping that the endorphins would rush into battle and rescue her, sweeping her away into a singular moment of clarity. One second to learn where she was, and why she had done it.

Bullshit Lyrics #3

Tue, 05 May 2009 04:08:31 -0400

most of this was frankensteined together from my ongoing list of phrases i like.

rest my worries on the shelf
killing time by killing myself
a solitary cigarette clears my mind
hope tomorrow will be kind

i pull the covers tight
close my eyes and take flight
dreaming of wonderland
of an hourglass with infinite sand

Don’t wake me with summer
the sun in my mind is warmer
Don’t wake me with winter
in my dreams i see clearer

by spring i crawl back into my life
to find you’ve all gone blind
i have all the mirrors to myself
crystal visions of this hell

you were laughing while i cried
tears inaudible through my punchline
your now empty eyes
easily ignore any signs

Don’t wake me with summer
the sun in my mind is warmer
Don’t wake me with winter
in my dreams i see clearer

By fall i’m collecting dust
the newest trend is a must
now that your wallet is occupied
i close my eyes and join the blind

Don’t wake me with summer
the sun in my mind is warmer
Don’t wake me with winter
in my dreams i see clearer

"i have been swallowing my emotions for so long that my stomach can’t hold them any longer and..."

Mon, 04 May 2009 07:00:00 -0400

“i have been swallowing my emotions for so long that my stomach can’t hold them any longer and i’m starting to choke on my own secrets.”

- Bullshit Quote #4

Bullshit Intro #3

Mon, 04 May 2009 04:03:39 -0400

She fell in love with faded photos, smeared writing, chipped statues, and misheard lyrics. She smoked for the cancer to take her away to a place where she was always on time, hair and make up done, with a smile on her lips. She got high to ignore the rips in her jeans, the stains on her shirt, and the tears in her eyes. and she drank to forget me.

Bullshit Story #7

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 06:59:15 -0400

We were walking to paradise. Our steps in tandem, and our hands intertwined. We could smell ambrosia and hear music coming from the path ahead.Somehow along the way I lost you. Your hand slipped away from my grip, I turned and you were gone. Now I’m walking down this dirt road, and the clouds constantly tease rain. I keep my eyes focused on the horizon, but it never draws near. I have tripped over this dip in the road three times, and my knees are caked with blood. I do this, and I see you walking next to me, perfectly parallel, out of the corner of my eye. But when temptation overcomes me and I turn to look, you are gone again. I pray for the rain.